Chris Snyder is the Sexiest Catcher in the Majors*
*According to Chris Snyder.
Above: Chris Snyder and his wife Carla—or, you know, just one of his 15 girlfriends.
If there’s one thing you should know about Chris Snyder, it’s that he’s not your typical backup catcher. He wears the socks on his uniform high—when he wants to, has a mantastic soul patch on his chin, a tattoo on his wrist, and uses Marvin Gaye’s “Sexual Healing” and Justin Timberlake’s “Sexy Back” for his at-bat music. Yes, if you haven’t put it together already, Chris Snyder is sexy.*
*I kind of forgot to mention a couple of things about Chris.
1) He’s not exactly buff. Actually his physique is more like that of a rejected Chippendales dancer.
2) While the sex-factor might just be off the charts, it has nothing to do with Snyder’s skills on a baseball diamond. In fact, his .189 batting average and .626 OPS are hardly tearing up the Majors.
Above: Chris Snyder—God’s gift to women.
Seeing that Brad Ausmus—the longtime Astros backstop and fantasy of every female baseball fan—is now gone, it’s good to know there’s a new player to fill the role as the “unofficial team sexpot.” And, with that in mind, I figured I’d do the player a favor and come up with a few more sexy at-bat selections for everyone’s (but particularly the ladies) listening enjoyment.
#3 – INXS – “Need You Tonight”
http://www.youtube.com/embed/PrZZfaDp02o
Michael Hutchence with a leather jacket and tight pants. Chris Snyder (and every other guy in the late 80’s) wanted to be him, girls wanted to be with him. INXS was one of those rock bands with other members that nobody in particular really wanted to see—including the fat bassist in the baseball cap.
YouTube Comments Confirming Sex Appeal
“This man was Jim Morrison reincarnated…enough said.”
“Sexiest male rocker of the 80’s, maybe even of all time. He was pure gorgeous. :(“
“This is a sexy ass song!”
Cheese Factor (1-5, 5 being most):2. Not a lot synthesizers or other gimmicks. If you forget the dated video, it’s a pretty good song that holds up decades later. Cool intro and guitar riff. Very understated—a solid choice.
#2 – Robert Palmer – “Didn’t Mean To Turn You On”
http://www.youtube.com/embed/2YO0WyOGHjU
Oh? Did I turn you on? I didn’t mean to. (Doesn’t mean I’m going to stop, either.)
I’m not sure there was anyone who personified 1980s cool or sleaze (depending on which camp you happen to fall in) better than Robert Palmer. He had it all—the perfectly coiffed hair, expensive Italian suits, and a backup band made up entirely of scantily clad zombie models. Chris Snyder likely has a poster of Robert Palmer still hanging above his bed and who could blame him for it?
YouTube Comments Confirming Sex Appeal:
“Robert Palmer is the Caucasian Barry White.”
“If you’re under 30 and don’t like this song, I have bad news for you: You were conceived to this song and it made your mom wet.”
“The official soundtrack of true pimps the world over. This song is eternal….it aint ever going away.”
Cheese Factor: 4. Way too non-PC to ever fly nowadays, but it somehow worked perfectly back in the 1980s.
#1 – George Michael – “I Want Your Sex”
http://www.youtube.com/embed/vldh7oQD-a4
C’mon…Is there anything to say about this video?* Just sit back and relax while Chris Snyder aurally grinds on you in a sweaty banana hammock.
*OK, I guess I do have something to add. I find it amusing this song was most likely written about some guy George was madly in love with but couldn’t come out and state (since he was still in the closet back then).
YouTube Comments Confirming Sex Appeal:
“yeah we all want it—great song”
“even the beat is dirrty”
“i sang this to my girlfriend then she slapped me”
Cheese Factor: 7. Everything about this song/video is 1980s cheese overload. A gay man pretending to be straight, satin sheets, Asian chicks in high heels, single earings, shoulder pads, etc., etc.
So, which one will Chris Snyder pick? Find out at a Astros home game soon!
